Baby Proof me, Baby!

Girls are different than boys.  Very different.  I’m not just talking va-jay-jays vs. pee-pees here.  I’m not going to dwell much on the scientific aspect of this statement, but rather on the generalizations and stereotypes… I ain’t no scientist!

When Jady (The Chatterbox) was a baby, she was so sweet and quiet (that changed).  She would play quietly in her crib in the morning and greet you with a smile upon her retrieval from her cage crib.  As a toddler, she listened when I told her no.  (Yes, I’m one of THOSE parents… I say that horrible word.) She stayed out of drawers she wasn’t supposed to get into and never lifted the lid to the toilet until she started potty-training.

Our 18-month-old, Jack, however, is quite the opposite.  While he was a very alert and snugly baby, he has been hell on wheels ever since he became mobile.  Compounding this problem was his desire to hang with the vampire babies and not ever sleep.  (Based on what I know about vampires from Twilight and True Blood, they aren’t always the best group to get mixed up with.)  I don’t mean this like most moms mean it when they casually say their baby never sleeps.  I literally mean- He. Did. Not. Sleep. I’ll share more on this topic another time.  After 13 months, he finally realized that sleeping at night really isn’t so bad.  After all, when he was more well-rested, he had more energy to run around and get into things.

This morning my son was independently playing in the playroom adjacent to the living room and I was doing what I normally do- folding and hanging laundry.  When I walked by the trash can I noticed Jack had “hidden” several blocks in this very clever spot.  When I came back, he was sitting up on the couch smiling his cheesiest grin at me.

The other day, I was folding laundry and Jack pulled out a drawer in the kitchen and began taking out every single piece of grilling tools we own.  (Which reminds me, how many tools does a self-proclaimed “Grill-master” need?)  Later in the day, while putting laundry away (starting to see a trend here?), he came in with several of his sister’s headbands that he had pulled off the back of the top of the toilet from her clever little paper-towels-wrapped-in-fabric-used-to-hold-headbands-holder.

I know what you’re thinking- my LORD this woman does a lot of laundry.  Yes, yes I do.  You’re probably also wondering why I don’t watch my child better.  Firstly, he is fast- lightning fast.  I’m pretty sure his Goldfish must be infused with Speed.  Secondly, I’m pregnant.  I’m not even going to elaborate upon that.  In my defense, we have never had an ER trip or even a scrape warranting a Band-Aid.  He is usually sporting some bruise on his head, but when you’re head is 25% larger than the rest of your body, that’s bound to happen.

So based on my minimal, non-scientific experience, I’ve noted that girls tend to be more calm and better listeners, while boys tend to ignore you and do all the crazy things they want to do.  However, around 4 or 5 or so the boys start listening better and around 4 or 5 the girls start ignoring you and/or sassing back at you.  As the years progress, these changes magnify.  While it may be time to go ahead and baby proof our house, I’ll gladly take toys strewn about and chasing waddling around after an active little guy in exchange for the lack of conniving, sassy, attitude that I will have inevitably dealt with a few years prior.

I may even invest in a fancy baby helmet.


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